The folder is thin this year.
In August of this year for some reason I decided that I wasn’t going to pick up my girls. I fucked up. I made a mistake. I’ve made a bunch of mistakes. I talk more about this is the 2021 Texts.
Another big fuck up I did. A bit before I decided to not pick up my girls I had them for the weekend. I had got in a bad mood again and decided to take my girls back to Evil Baby Mama early. I was upset. I don’t remember exactly what about? As my girls got out of my truck I told them to find a Dad that was good enough for them.
I know. That was horrible for me to say. I was a horrible Dad for saying that. Every day, a big part of me hurts for saying that. I severely regret it. I don’t know what I was thinking? I wasn’t thinking.
Every time I would get my girls it seemed like they were just drifting farther and farther away from me. It seemed like they wanted to be around me less and less. Wanted to talk to me less and less. This really hurt. I know I get angry and upset a lot. When I am angry or upset sometimes my mouth seems to open before my brain has a chance to stop it. Sometimes I can get mean and hurtful. I don’t do it on purpose. It’s a very bad reaction to me getting hurt and/or upset. Sometimes when I get really angry I throw things. My girls have seen this. This scared my girls sometimes. That’s understandable. But I have never thrown anything at my girls or have never tried to hurt them in any way. I never even spanked them when they were young.
Once, when my oldest was about 1 ½, I had lightly smacked her on the butt for something? Not hard, she was wearing a diaper, didn’t hurt her, just enough to get her attention. After, I felt so bad about it that I never did it again. When my girls were younger, if I told them that I would spank them, they would literally laugh at me. They knew very well that I would never actually do it.
With the way my girls were starting to act towards me, which I understand it’s “partly” my own fault, piled on top of all the other bullshit, I finally broke I guess? Only so much can pile up.
I say “partly” because it’s “partly” or “mostly”, Evil Baby Mama. No. Evil Baby Mama did not make me say what I had said to my girls. That was all me. It should not have happened. I have no excuse for it. There is not excuse.
However, I do have a reason…
It’s Evil Baby Mama’s bullshit that put me in the mindset to say something like that. This is 2021. I’ve already been at this bullshit for 17 fucking years. I’m only human. How much am I supposed to take?
Fighting for my girls for 17 years by now. 17 years of them being kept from me. 17 years of being shut out of their lives. 17 years of them being groomed to hate me. 17 years of me being torn apart. My girls are my whole world. This is 17 years of my world being torn apart.
I try to stay tuff and strong. I’m Dad. I’m a man. That’s what I am supposed to do. A man isn’t supposed to hurt. A man isn’t supposed to cry. Dad isn’t supposed to cry. But I do, when you use that only one thing against me that can bring me to my knees, my little girl.
It seems that Evil Baby Mama wants people, and our girls, to believe that I fight with Evil Baby Mama just to mess with her. Just to be an asshole. Nope. I fight with Evil Baby Mama because she is the asshole and messes with me and uses our girls to do it. That’s why I fight with Evil Baby Mama.
Evil Baby Mama keeping my girls from me, keeping me shut out of their lives, forcing me to fight for them, sometimes made me feel like I was not good enough for them.
Even my girls’ entire lives, every year, when Father’s Day came around or my birthday or even Christmas there really wasn’t much of any kind of recognition for those days. I barely got a greeting for those days. It wasn’t about getting anything. My girls could have drew on a piece of paper with a crayon and it would have been perfect. The lack of recognition just made me feel not very important to them I guess? Not good enough for them? Was that the right way to think? No it wasn’t. But I did. That was my mindset I guess?
All this fighting over the years, the lies, the brainwashing of my girls, it has beaten the fuck out of me. All I ever wanted was to just be dad but I had to fight for it and I still lost. This all has messed with my head. Sometimes I can’t even think straight. All this builds up together and I break. I can only take so much.
All this crap it builds up and builds up and builds up. I have nothing I can do with it. So, at some point I break. I guess I broke and took it out on my girls?
Girls, I am truly, truly sorry.
Not much from child support this year.
Custody
Letter From Caseworker – January 14, 2021
This is in response to another complaint that I filed on Evil Baby Mama for denial of parenting time received on January 6th, 2021.
This was before I decided to not pick up my girls.
Letter From Caseworker – November 15, 2021
This is another letter in response to another complaint. I assume probably about denial of parenting time? Our case worker tells me that I had voluntarily forfeited my parenting time and that I must Motion the Court to Re-Establish Parenting Time.
This was after I decided to not pick up my girls.
After a couple weekends or so of not picking up my girls I had tried to get them again but Evil Baby Mama would not let me have them.
Letter From Caseworker – December 13, 2021
In response to another complaint that I filed on Evil Baby Mama for denial of parenting time.
This is dated after the letter that said that I had to Motion the Court to Re-Establish Parenting Time. The caseworker is now telling me to file a Denial Of Parenting Time form. The Motion had not went through at this time.
I don’t recall what had happened exactly? I have lost some documents.
Letter From Caseworker – December 13, 2021
This one went to me and Evil Baby Mama about parenting time denials.
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Complaint On Evil Baby Mama – December 20, 2021
Evil Baby Mama is still fighting with me about time with our girls. Nothing new. Evil Baby Mama has been doing that for 17 years now.
Support
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Various Support Documents